My birthday was yesterday. Please hold your applause.
Every year when my birthday rolls around I feel like crawling under a rock until it blows over. I get out of sorts in the days prior and breathe a sigh of relief the day after. It's been like this for a long time, since college at least.
I've been giving some thought to why this is, but haven't come to any conclusions.
I suppose it could have something to do with being slapped in the head with mortality. Every year is a reminder that I'm not going to live forever. And that is not the sort of mentality that inspires joy and celebratory feelings, is it? (Hey! You're another year closer to dead! Woo-Hoo!)
Or maybe I suffered psychological trauma in those years when my parents went on their yearly vacation over my birthday, leaving me with my babysitter. But she made the best cake, so it worked out okay.
I think, though, that it has to do with my Subconscious Response to Things. I was talking to my husband about this last night over dinner and I couldn't get him to understand what I was trying to say. He looks at his birthday as a day that he's special, it's "his" day; there's a party in his head.
Him
I keep waiting for my birthday to make me feel special, like there's going to be a switch that flicks on, internally. Almost like it isn't in my control, but it should just happen. Does that make any sense?
Me
He makes himself feel celebrated; I keep waiting for it to happen to me (I still feel this way even when I am being celebrated by other people, by the way).
It's hard to explain, but in my head it makes sense.
Hmmm. I guess I'm in the middle. I had good birthdays as a kid, to me now it's not the BEST DAY EVER!!!!!! It's just a day and some years it's okay and other's not so much. God, I was in such a funk too years ago a friend phoned me from Alabama to see if I was okay. Last year it was fine and there was really no difference in the two.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I don't like thinking about that "another year closer to death" thing either. Ugh. So I'm proably in between your husband and you. Sitting on the fence, oh yeah, that's me.
Anyway, have a lovely day today. :-)
Huh. Word veri: uningday. Maybe that the new anti-birthday. Happy uningday.
Hi Tam! When you sit on the fence you can see a lot more than when you're standing in the pasture, so it's all good!
ReplyDeleteHappy uningday! I LOVE it! :D
Most years my birthday's pretty crappy - with it just being like any ordinary day with added presents. Last year it was fabbo because I was in San Francisco and I went to Yaoicon. I had the best day ever then :).
ReplyDeleteBut on the whole birthdays tend to stop being special after you become an adult. Especially if there's no-one to make them special for you.
Well, happy uningday to you too, then, Jen!
ReplyDeleteLast year my husband took me away (it was one of those landmark birthdays) and that was a great solution. Nothing like sun and sand and rum to chase all the blahs away!
Mine's just a day that I don't feel strongly about one way or the other.
ReplyDeleteNow, my brother sort of fears his birthday, because for three years in a row, he had stomach flu on his birthday. 2010 fortunately broke that streak. :)
So I guess you're a fence person too, Chris?
ReplyDeleteI can see how being sick repeatedly would make someone skittish about their birthday. Glad your brother broke the curse :)
I look forward to birthdays now primarily because they are my 1 gratuitous personal day that I take off work every year. I sleep in and veg and sometimes go shopping late in the afternoon. A day when I don't do anything unless I feel like doing it. As for birthday parties, they are rather a let down as an adult 'cause they just can't compare to the super fun cool parties at Major Magic's & McDonald's that I had as a kid.
ReplyDeleteI got quite the chuckle at the comparison between you and your hubby - one has a party in his head and the other is another year closer to death.
Happy Birthday! *throws confetti and runs*
Hi, Wren, and Happy Birthday! I have to admit I haven't been too sentimental about mine since I've been about ten, but I usually feel okay about having a small celebration with my husband each year because his is only three days later so we combine the occasion for both of us.
ReplyDeleteLook out, Ava, I'm coming to get you!
ReplyDeleteThat's actually a pretty true summation of us: party/mortality :)
Val: Thanks! It's great that you and your guy can celebrate together. I'd be all like: No! I must mope! Have your own party!
Birthdays aren't that big a deal for me anymore although I must admit this one was a strange one. The last before the big five-oh and I can't deny any longer that I'm starting to get old. LOL as my dad says it's better than the alternative but really it's a scary thought that next year I'll be 50.
ReplyDeleteHappy day after your Birthday! :)
Hi Lily and thanks! For me, ignoring the half-century mark was the way to go.
ReplyDeleteHope you at least got a little joy out of it, Wren. I can sympathize.
ReplyDeleteTo me, a birthday is like a personal version of New Year's Eve: You know you should celebrate...but what's to celebrate about another year gone, another step taken down the far side of the hill? (Sheesh, could I get any more morbid?)
We went out to a yummy dinner, KZ, so that part was great.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that you brought up New Year's Eve, because I have similar feelings about that, but they're much less intense than the bday ones. And I do remember hating New Year's Eve even when I was a kid!
I've had some good birthdays, some bad ones, and some so-so ones.
ReplyDeleteSince I can't wish you a happy belated birthday, I will say that I hope you've had a fabulous weekend. ;)
Thanks, Eyre! It's been a good weekend. Looking forward to tomorrow though - going to see Lady Gaga in concert (with opening act Scissor Sisters). *happydance*
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed your post (google reader and I get busy about once every 2 weeks). Happy belated Birthday!! Hope your Lady Gaga concert was good (I'd be going for the SS openers!).
ReplyDeleteI can understand your feelings though I'm more like your hubby. I always take my birthday off and do something for myself by myself. It's not a party in my head so much as my chance to just take time for me and do what I want. Some years it's just shopping and lunch out. Others its a trip somewhere, one year I did nothing...the year I turned 30 I was wondering why I wasn't panicing.
Anyway no matter what Happy Birthday! Clearly we're very happy you have one :D
Hello Kassa and thanks for stopping by. If I let my google reader go that long I'd have to erase everything and just start over!
ReplyDeleteThe concert was great (I'll do a post soon) - both Sisters and Gaga!
It's great that you do something for yourself for your birthday. I wish I could have as good an attitude about mine!